THIS IS NOT A BIO… BUT WHAT HAS SHAPED MY LIFE.
I believe one of the most beautiful experiences of a woman if pregnancy. Besides morning sickness and clothes not fitting for the next 9 months, the whole experience is wonderful. The excitement of knowing there is a new life growing inside you and the longing of feeling a kick every now and then, is just marvelous. That is until the unexpected happens.
On April 22, 2007 my water broke while attending church with my family. I was taken to the hospital where I remained for two weeks, and where I learned to not hear but listen to God.I claimed Him, but I rarely glorify Him, I knew of Him, but truly did not know Him. And this too I learned while lying in a hospital bed motionless. On May 7th at 26 weeks of pregnancy, I had an emergency c-section. My beautiful baby girl was born at 4:10pm we named her Faith-Angelica. She was beautiful. weighting at 1pd 3oz, and measuring 12 inches in lenght. She was transported to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit right after. I met her for teh first time the following morning. She was so tiny and wrinkled, but intsantly I fell in love with her.
I was sent home three days later, but I visited her every single day. I had the privilege of singing to her, holding her, talking to her and praying with her. I was told by the neonatal doctors that she was the star of the NICU. She was doing so well, but on June 12th everything changed. I went to the hospital bright as if God was leading me. As I walked in it was chaotic all around, she had become ill all of a sudden… but, I did what I did every day. I prayed with her, sang to her and fell in love with my baby all over again. It was just her, God and me.
Finally they found the problem; she had an infection in her intestines known as NEC. She needed surgery. She had been resuscitated three times before the surgeon arrived. I watched it all happen but I continued to pray, in the past when I prayed I never asked God about his will, but this time I did… “God if it is your will, just give me the strength to live without her, I do not want my baby to suffer.” and as clear as a sunny day I heard Him reply, “I will take her now”.
Around eight that evening the surgeon explained that he would try to save as much of her intestines as possible if he sees that there’s not much to do he will stop the surgery. I went the waiting room where all my family were waiting, while my brothers and sisters in Christ began a circle of prayer. My eyes were glued to the door, because I already knew what was going to happen. It took the doctor not even five minutes to walk through that door to tell me it was too late. My little angel passed away at 8:45pm. My little angel was 1 month and 5 days old.We had her funeral soon after; She looked like a porcelain doll. I pulled a chair over and sat beside her and did what I did every day. I sang to her, I spoke to her and I prayed with her and once again it was her, God and me. I couldn’t bear putting her under grown so on June 21st I had her cremated.
Faith-Angelica is so present and alive in my mind and heart and I do not want this feeling to be in vain. Even though I was devastated, God lifted me, He loved me and comforted me and He continues to do so. God gave me the strength to let her go. I never questioned God but I did ask him to reveal to me the message behind the loss of my daughter. Through her He revealed His majesty. His reasons are unknown, yet His purpose is always genuine. And He replied once again… “Be a witness of my Glory. give testimony of my greatness, and tell everyone about my unconditional love through trials and tribulations”.
Even though Faith-Angelica is now in the presence of the Lord, He left me the greatest privilege and it came when He revealed to me that He alone can rescue me from sorrow while making of me a witness of how Greatness. Faith-Angelica’s passing left us not a misfortune, but a camouflaged blessing and the understanding of God’s unconditional love through trail and tribulations.
It is not who you hold … It’s how you both enjoy every instant. It is not what you say… it’s how much you mean every single word. It is not when you sing… it is how you both bond each time. It is not how much you pray… it is the strength you gain from it. -Yohani