The One Who Holds My Heart

pexels-photo-326616If I close my eyes, I am taken away into a chapter of my life, I keep in a quiet place of my heart, because in due season that chapter’s page turned. The one and only man I have ever loved, has become a source of inspiration. Moments spent by his side and some left to reminisce in, I hold as a keepsake of a lesson learned and a love story untold and unforgotten.
One of the loveliest days of my life was when I carried his name and although this time was short lived, I was able to enjoy every instant beside him even though I am sure I never told him. To love someone is to freely give up all of you, without fear of risking it all, yet trusting you are gaining much more, regardless if you are losing a piece of your heart or creating memories to last a lifetime. I believe God created this love between us for this reason and many more, I believe this feeling was allowed to linger in my heart way past its time for a purpose, I couldn’t understand at the time; yet today I understand so much.

This love I enjoyed for a few years left a lifetime of joy. The proof of our love was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, holding in my arms a part of my beloved, our first birth, the greatest gift God had given us. I believe with all my heart that marriage is one of God’s simplest ways of giving us a peek of love with no measure, nor boundaries; yet never comparing to the unconditional love that comes from Him alone.

a5a6f8_769ed896d35d4bb8aa6763d0a5663215In time I learned, that no love can compare to God’s and this I realized when I was pregnant from our second daughter. I remember feeling sadness during my second pregnancy, not because I didn’t love my unborn child, how couldn’t I, it was another part of this man I loved so much. But because, I wanted to pursue a career yet this was to be placed on hold for a while longer. But two days after our daughter’s birth, I was swept into a reality I dreaded. My husband, who loved me as much as I loved him, walked out of our lives with no explanation whatsoever. All I was left with, was a farewell kiss on the forehead as I pretended to be asleep. The last image was of him looking up for the last time before he got in what was our red Ford Escape. He would never know I hid behind the curtain and watched him until I couldn’t see the car anymore.

But how great is God that as I cried one night and turned over to my little girls I realized that God’s timing was perfect and his planning was immaculate. My daughter had come into my life in the nick of time, she came to take the place of what I was about to lose, and as time passed, I saw in her the revelation of God’s mercy over my broken heart.

Today, I thank him for walking out of our lives, not because the love is gone, for he will forever hold my heart, but because had he remain in our lives, I wouldn’t had known the brokenness which lead me to where I am today. Because of God’s delicacy over my wounded heart, I hold no resentment towards him, he is loved in silence. He’s released from fault for he’s forgiven and truly blessed through our daughters, perhaps hasn’t yet realized it. But this is just the beginning of a wonderful journey of a broken woman.

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