Looking back is not always a good thing, but sometimes it serves as a reminder of where I am no longer at. However; I won’t deny I’ve felt more comfortable looking back, then focusing on a destiny which seems far fetched than anything else in my life. I guess at times it better to look at the familiar then to look forward to the unknown. Other times I’ve said to myself, “There’s no need for anyone to know if I’ve had a rough life or not, just that I’ve survived yesterday and am conquering today”.
I can sit here in my PJs clicking away on my laptop trying to create an inspiring blog out of a life that like yours may not always consist of beautiful sunrises and fully dressed moons. Sometimes, while the truth may make you uncomfortable, it may just feel like a breath of fresh air, so let’s go ahead and admit it, sometimes life is just a BIG MESS!
Now doesn’t that feel better? To be quite honest I’ve haven’t had a clear mind in quite some time. I’ve had many days filled with frustrations which led to many other sleepless nights. My mind has been wandering all over the universe trying to figure things out. Questioning myself about all the things that seem out of place and even have expired. I’ve never felt pity for myself, nor do I expect it from anyone, but I’m just tired of being sick and tired. So now what!
I’ll tell you what, but it’s a decision only the brave will dare to make, and I’ve stepped up to the plate:
For every time I’ve been confused, I’m claiming clarity.
For every time I’ve felt lonely, I’m claiming acceptance.
For every time I’ve felt unloved, I’m claiming self-love.
For every time I’ve felt bitterness, I’m claiming forgiveness.
For every time I’ve felt hate, I’m claiming inner-peace.
And for every time I’ve felt defeated, I’m claiming Victory… with a capital, “V”.
The greatest triumph over a hurting soul is healing, and while healing is not an easy process, some wounds you just can’t take to someone and expect an “I’m sorry”, some wounds you can only go to God with. Our downfall is not because we lost our strength, but because we look for strength in the wrong place. I had to learn to lay down at night and turn to God, I had to learn to trust God, I had to learn to let God, be God. But most importantly, I needed to learn to stay in His will, because while my destiny may seem unreachable to me, He’s is preparing my homecoming with something beyond anything I could ever imagine. At times it just seems too out of reach, because we’re so busy being entertained by our fears and doubts. Yet, it is during this time that we should learn to pray the, “hell” out of my lives and focus on the journey instead of our destination.
Life sometimes seems unfair; I won’t deny that even as a believer, I’ve questioned God. Then I am reminded that while He walked the earth, He was rejected, tempted and even denied; yet He believed that His Heavenly Father had His best interest in mind. He didn’t question Him, instead He prayed. He didn’t get angry at Him, instead He trusted Him. He didn’t give up, instead He continued to shared the Gospel; and even while laying His life for us He asked for our forgiveness. Now, how naïve and even selfish must I continue to be to not see that even under pressure He never turned away from what the Holy Spirit placed in his heart? Why can’t I just hold on a bit longer and trust that God will soon open the doors to my land of milk and honey?Looking back is not always a bad thing, sometimes it does serves as a reminder of how far we’ve come, but let’s not keep our sight on yesterday, because perhaps it is while we’re looking over our shoulder that God blesses us with that, that which He has promised. While He never turns from us, let’s not take for granted His unconditional love. For love greater then this, we will never find elsewhere.