Venting On A Sleepless Night

I’m trying to fall asleep and it just hit, while I am loving where I am in my life right now, my spiritual life is going on empty. I’m a Christian, but I’m slacking.

This is something that bothers me truly, causing my mind and soul to go into battle against each other. As my life is falling into place it seems that what has caused it to fall into place is what I am now falling away from. When I was a kid, my mother would tell me, that God never left our side, it was us who pulled away from Him and at times not realizing it until it was too late.

Is this what’s going on in my life? I’m in such a happy place that I am beginning to forget that God is the reason? Or is this just a way of Him igniting that fire within me because He’s taking me to a new place, spiritually?

This has taken away my sleep, and placed weight on my heart, because from the moment I begged God into my life He has not failed nor abandoned me, yet I feel as if I have. Feeling this way is not because I’ve indulged in things that have tainted my heart, it’s just a feeling that is reminding me to find my way back to Him, because I’m slacking.  

  • I am slacking in my intimacy with Him (Prayer).
  • I am slacking in getting to know Him more (Reading His Word).
  • I am slacking in the way I introduce Him to others (My Testimony).

I want conviction in my life, so I am always reminded that I am a daughter of a King, but I don’t want it because I’ve forgotten the King. I want to live my life knowing my comfort is in Him, my strength is found in Him and my protection is Him. I have many answered prayers to be grateful for, many blessings serving as a reminders of His goodness, and countless rescued moments, owed to Him, so how can I slack off when all He has ever been is a good God?

As a mother, I want to see His reflection in my children’s life and their offspring, but I need to set the example.

As a neighbor, I want conversations that bring life to a dying soul, but I have to understand that breath of life first hand.

As a friend, I want those close to me to envy who I have in my life, so they too seek Him, but I have to be a testimony.

As a woman, I want a man to love me because his heart is in tune with mine, but first my soul needs to be in tune with God’s.

But as a child of God, I want to live a life of contentment, filled with this presence. knowing I am good in His eyes. I want to be His instrument for those to find their way to Him just as I did one day.

I want to be everything but a slacker. So hopefully now that I know what I don’t want to be I can fall asleep knowing who I am supposed to be, with!

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